PBI XXI (BLUE 34- GOLD 21)
MVP: Gabi Swagel - 18/26, 294 yards passing, 2 TDs, 1 int; 6 rushes, 43 yards, 1 TD.
Referees: Ilan Cohen, Ethan Swagel, Liam Shemesh
Coin Toss: Little Fulop
Pre-game “Entertainment”: Paul Blank’s dramatic reading of George Washington’s letter to the Newport synagogue
Awards:
Biggest Betch Award - Yaron Cohen
Good Hands Trophy - Yoni Farber
Old Enough to Drink Award - Joel Vardon
Don't Be A Hero Award - Daniel Minerbi
Most Interceptions Thrown - Noah Zimmerman
Stone Hands Award - Michael Feldman
Top Agent Award - Jon Sandler
Moon Dance Award - Robbie Shorr
Pull Out Award - Eli Lerner
MVP - Gabi Swagel
LVP - Matthew Foldi
Referees: Ilan Cohen, Ethan Swagel, Liam Shemesh
Coin Toss: Little Fulop
Pre-game “Entertainment”: Paul Blank’s dramatic reading of George Washington’s letter to the Newport synagogue
Awards:
Biggest Betch Award - Yaron Cohen
Good Hands Trophy - Yoni Farber
Old Enough to Drink Award - Joel Vardon
Don't Be A Hero Award - Daniel Minerbi
Most Interceptions Thrown - Noah Zimmerman
Stone Hands Award - Michael Feldman
Top Agent Award - Jon Sandler
Moon Dance Award - Robbie Shorr
Pull Out Award - Eli Lerner
MVP - Gabi Swagel
LVP - Matthew Foldi
As the cliche goes, the biggest games are played in the cold, and the 2018 Paul Blank Invitational was no different. In fact, the temperature proved to be an apt parallel for the entire game. The game began while the thermometers read in the just the high 20s, and the competitiveness was cold at the start as well. However, as the weather warmed up, the game got more heated too, with a comeback for the ages remaining as the legacy of this game which seemed forgettable at the end of the first half. This was a fitting end to a truly transitional PBI. Many of the stalwarts from the game’s early years claim that they’re hanging up the cleats after this one, due to aching joints, growing familial commitments, or finally coming to their senses and realizing that going back to high school to trip all over a poorly mowed field is not how they’d like to spend a day off. However, never rule out the surprise return: Michael Jordan and Brett Favre came back when no expected it, as did our heroes the Maccabees, and Paul Blank himself does so each and every school year.
Gold lost the coin toss, but that was about all they lost in the first half. After receiving the kick, this team marched down the field with little resistance from their Blue opponents, akin to the amount of resistance that Paul puts up against his students sharing their As A Driven Leaf essays. Under the steady guidance and hand of veteran Quarterback Noah Zimmerman, a mix of consistently successful short runs and passes led the Gold team deep into Blue territory. It was clear that on this opening drive it wasn’t a question of if Gold would score, but merely who would score for them. It turned out to be a first time player, the young and spry Joel Vardon, who took a screen pass five yards to the house for a touchdown and a 7-0 Gold lead after the 1-point conversion.
Blue’s first drive was equally as ugly as Gold’s was beautiful. Miscommunication plagued them, as Blue was called for a delay of game and false start on their opening series, and ended moving backwards early on. They were able to make up some ground, but they had dug themselves too big of a hole. A risky call to go for it on 4th and long backfired, and Blue took over with a short field ahead of them.
From this great starting field position, it was only a matter of time until Gold’s second short touchdown of the game. This time, Zimmerman called his own number, running the quarterback draw to perfection from 5 yards out and coasting into the end zone for the score. After the game, Zimmerman remarked that “anyone could have walked that in, I owe it all to my offensive line.” On the ensuing 1-point conversion, Zimmerman threw a beautiful back shoulder fade to wide receiver Robbie Shorr, who was matched up alone against Avichai Ozur Bass on the left. To his credit, Ozur Bass did somehow get a hand on this ball, and it looked like Blue would have at least defended something successfully. However, Shorr was able to corral the tip while falling to the ground, and Gold led 14-0. Even worse, Ozur Bass fell victim to the most common PBI injury: broken glasses. As of the writing of this recap, Ozur Bass is still listed as questionable for next year’s PBI, as he is unsure of whether or not the cost of glasses repair is worth the potential glory that he could gain from winning an alumni football game.
Blue got the ball back, but their second drive was even more disastrous than the first. Gold had eaten up a lot of clock with their first drive, do Blue had to work quick, trying to cut the lead in half before the halftime break for orange slices and Talmud study. However, this sense of urgency backfired, as an errant pass forced into a tight window by Blue quarterback Gabi Swagel was picked off by Yoni Farber and taken back all the way, a 70-yard pick six. This play was in fact featured on Sportscenter the next day, as it featured America’s favorite type of touchdown: a big guy touchdown. Farber has been playing defensive line his whole career after he was told that being 5 foot 8 qualified him to do that in a game composed of Jews. Now, of course, nobody comes back to their high school for bragging rights just to play on the line, so Farber was of course disappointed by this coaching decision. However, after years of excelling in the thankless work on the trenches, he finally got his moment of glory, even showing off the moves with a stiff arm as he ran this interception back for a 21-0 halftime lead for Gold.
This capped a truly dominant first half, and members of the Blue team could be seen calling their moms (or wives, depending on their graduation year) to come pick them up from the game early. Some even said they had to “go to the bathroom” and in fact never returned. This was a trick they had picked up from being in any Hebrew class. However, they would regret this decision, as the second half proved to be a different story.
Blue received the second half kickoff, and the efficiency of their ensuing drive mirrored that of Gold’s first. Swagel was finally on the same page as his receivers, and Gold was unable to adjust to the sudden competence of Blue’s balanced passing and rushing attack. The drive was capped off with a simple pitch to star Brian Shorr, who cut around the outside for an easy 5-yard touchdown. A missed conversion was the only solace that Gold could take from this drive. While they would never admit it, it was clear from their body language that even the most cocky players of the Gold team were unsure of whether they could hold their 21-6 lead.
Gold could have answered that question with a successful response on their subsequent drive, but just the opposite happened. After a middling start, moving upfield but not reinspiring confidence, Zimmerman was picked off by first year player Justin Levy, who used a bevy of spin moves during an impressive 50-yard return. If the momentum hadn’t already shifted, then this was what did it. Swagel easily completed a screen to Ben Charlton who took it in for the touchdown from 7 yards. Those in the audience could be heard comparing this drastic swing in momentum to that of the great color war of ‘84, which, due to the graphic injuries and amount of profanity in contained, Roz Landy has requested that we not recap here. A successful 1-point conversion cut Gold’s lead to 21-13, but at this point it honestly felt like Blue was winning.
Gold had nothing going for them on the next drive yet again, and finally seemed to play it smart and play the clock by punting instead of going for it. However, this strategy was in vain, due to some Belichick-ian creativity from the Blue sideline. On the play immediately following the punt, Swagel pitched the ball to Charlton. Charlton, ever the dangerous runner with the ball in his hand, of course deked the Gold cornerbacks into running towards him in attempt to tackle. However, as he had received this pitch behind the line of scrimmage, he was eligible to pass, and that was exactly what he did. His beautiful spiral to Shorr, streaking uncovered down the sideline, cut Gold’s lead to 21-19, and though the conversion was unsuccessful, Blue had now come almost all the way back.
At this point, all Gold had to do was kill the clock, and hope that their horrific second half could be overcome by their dominant first. However, they were unable to eat time off the game, and yet again punted, trusting their defense to seal the deal protecting a tenuous two-point lead. However, even this proved too much for the continually weakening Gold team. Swagel took it in himself from 11 yards out to cap off a quick drive and give Blue their first lead at 25-21.
This is where an unusually and disappointingly clean and civil game began to devolve into the unsportsmanlike conduct that onlookers had come to expect from the graduates of a school preaching the Jewish values embodied in the words of Isaiah 2:4 - “Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore.” Blue shocked everyone by attempting an onside kick after taking the lead, and after Gold bumbled an attempt at recovery, the glasses-less Ozur Bass swooped in, appearing to seal the deal and cement a legendary comeback for Blue. However, the refs had for once actually read the rule book, and they were prepared; An onside kick must be announced in advance, they explained, and Blue would have to rekick. Now, everyone was bewildered as the entire point of an onside kick at such a time is the element of surprise, but remember, this is a school whose rules are based on the teachings found in Landy 3:16 - “Everyone’s a winner at JDS”. Blue kicked off normally, and Gold had one last chance.
However, a series of incomplete passes seemed to end their chance to fight off Blue’s comeback. Though, Gold got smart: punt here, they realized, and they could stop Blue and still have another chance. While this was sound strategy in theory, it required the Gold defense to do something they hadn’t been able to do all second half: stop the Blue passing attack. This proved true yet again, as Swagel found Jeremy Schooler on a quick slant into the short corner of the end zone, and this 31-21 lead was the dagger in Gold’s heart.
While all thought this would mercifully end the game, Blue had other ideas. This time, they announced their onside kick and still recovered it, to the surprise and dismay of many. The Gold players could be seen complaining to the refs about Blue rubbing it in, while some on the Gold team tried to cope by telling the Blue players that they had no life if they derived joy from running up the score in a Thanksgiving football game, though all in attendance knew that these Gold players would have done the same had they had the opportunity.
This strange extra drive of the Blue team ended with a long field goal by Jon Sandler as time expired, giving the final score of 34-21. When reminded of the famous polemic against greed from Pirkei Avot 4:1, “who is rich? He who is happy with what he has,” Sandler quipped, “well, those Rabbis clearly hadn’t discovered bragging rights yet.”
Despite all the chippiness that took place during the latter stages of the second half, all present were able to admit that this game was one to be remembered, as the comeback could serve as a potential metaphor for the hopeful comeback of Dan Fulop, who left at halftime wearing the same sweatpants he had been wearing since the first year of this wonderful game.
Gold lost the coin toss, but that was about all they lost in the first half. After receiving the kick, this team marched down the field with little resistance from their Blue opponents, akin to the amount of resistance that Paul puts up against his students sharing their As A Driven Leaf essays. Under the steady guidance and hand of veteran Quarterback Noah Zimmerman, a mix of consistently successful short runs and passes led the Gold team deep into Blue territory. It was clear that on this opening drive it wasn’t a question of if Gold would score, but merely who would score for them. It turned out to be a first time player, the young and spry Joel Vardon, who took a screen pass five yards to the house for a touchdown and a 7-0 Gold lead after the 1-point conversion.
Blue’s first drive was equally as ugly as Gold’s was beautiful. Miscommunication plagued them, as Blue was called for a delay of game and false start on their opening series, and ended moving backwards early on. They were able to make up some ground, but they had dug themselves too big of a hole. A risky call to go for it on 4th and long backfired, and Blue took over with a short field ahead of them.
From this great starting field position, it was only a matter of time until Gold’s second short touchdown of the game. This time, Zimmerman called his own number, running the quarterback draw to perfection from 5 yards out and coasting into the end zone for the score. After the game, Zimmerman remarked that “anyone could have walked that in, I owe it all to my offensive line.” On the ensuing 1-point conversion, Zimmerman threw a beautiful back shoulder fade to wide receiver Robbie Shorr, who was matched up alone against Avichai Ozur Bass on the left. To his credit, Ozur Bass did somehow get a hand on this ball, and it looked like Blue would have at least defended something successfully. However, Shorr was able to corral the tip while falling to the ground, and Gold led 14-0. Even worse, Ozur Bass fell victim to the most common PBI injury: broken glasses. As of the writing of this recap, Ozur Bass is still listed as questionable for next year’s PBI, as he is unsure of whether or not the cost of glasses repair is worth the potential glory that he could gain from winning an alumni football game.
Blue got the ball back, but their second drive was even more disastrous than the first. Gold had eaten up a lot of clock with their first drive, do Blue had to work quick, trying to cut the lead in half before the halftime break for orange slices and Talmud study. However, this sense of urgency backfired, as an errant pass forced into a tight window by Blue quarterback Gabi Swagel was picked off by Yoni Farber and taken back all the way, a 70-yard pick six. This play was in fact featured on Sportscenter the next day, as it featured America’s favorite type of touchdown: a big guy touchdown. Farber has been playing defensive line his whole career after he was told that being 5 foot 8 qualified him to do that in a game composed of Jews. Now, of course, nobody comes back to their high school for bragging rights just to play on the line, so Farber was of course disappointed by this coaching decision. However, after years of excelling in the thankless work on the trenches, he finally got his moment of glory, even showing off the moves with a stiff arm as he ran this interception back for a 21-0 halftime lead for Gold.
This capped a truly dominant first half, and members of the Blue team could be seen calling their moms (or wives, depending on their graduation year) to come pick them up from the game early. Some even said they had to “go to the bathroom” and in fact never returned. This was a trick they had picked up from being in any Hebrew class. However, they would regret this decision, as the second half proved to be a different story.
Blue received the second half kickoff, and the efficiency of their ensuing drive mirrored that of Gold’s first. Swagel was finally on the same page as his receivers, and Gold was unable to adjust to the sudden competence of Blue’s balanced passing and rushing attack. The drive was capped off with a simple pitch to star Brian Shorr, who cut around the outside for an easy 5-yard touchdown. A missed conversion was the only solace that Gold could take from this drive. While they would never admit it, it was clear from their body language that even the most cocky players of the Gold team were unsure of whether they could hold their 21-6 lead.
Gold could have answered that question with a successful response on their subsequent drive, but just the opposite happened. After a middling start, moving upfield but not reinspiring confidence, Zimmerman was picked off by first year player Justin Levy, who used a bevy of spin moves during an impressive 50-yard return. If the momentum hadn’t already shifted, then this was what did it. Swagel easily completed a screen to Ben Charlton who took it in for the touchdown from 7 yards. Those in the audience could be heard comparing this drastic swing in momentum to that of the great color war of ‘84, which, due to the graphic injuries and amount of profanity in contained, Roz Landy has requested that we not recap here. A successful 1-point conversion cut Gold’s lead to 21-13, but at this point it honestly felt like Blue was winning.
Gold had nothing going for them on the next drive yet again, and finally seemed to play it smart and play the clock by punting instead of going for it. However, this strategy was in vain, due to some Belichick-ian creativity from the Blue sideline. On the play immediately following the punt, Swagel pitched the ball to Charlton. Charlton, ever the dangerous runner with the ball in his hand, of course deked the Gold cornerbacks into running towards him in attempt to tackle. However, as he had received this pitch behind the line of scrimmage, he was eligible to pass, and that was exactly what he did. His beautiful spiral to Shorr, streaking uncovered down the sideline, cut Gold’s lead to 21-19, and though the conversion was unsuccessful, Blue had now come almost all the way back.
At this point, all Gold had to do was kill the clock, and hope that their horrific second half could be overcome by their dominant first. However, they were unable to eat time off the game, and yet again punted, trusting their defense to seal the deal protecting a tenuous two-point lead. However, even this proved too much for the continually weakening Gold team. Swagel took it in himself from 11 yards out to cap off a quick drive and give Blue their first lead at 25-21.
This is where an unusually and disappointingly clean and civil game began to devolve into the unsportsmanlike conduct that onlookers had come to expect from the graduates of a school preaching the Jewish values embodied in the words of Isaiah 2:4 - “Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore.” Blue shocked everyone by attempting an onside kick after taking the lead, and after Gold bumbled an attempt at recovery, the glasses-less Ozur Bass swooped in, appearing to seal the deal and cement a legendary comeback for Blue. However, the refs had for once actually read the rule book, and they were prepared; An onside kick must be announced in advance, they explained, and Blue would have to rekick. Now, everyone was bewildered as the entire point of an onside kick at such a time is the element of surprise, but remember, this is a school whose rules are based on the teachings found in Landy 3:16 - “Everyone’s a winner at JDS”. Blue kicked off normally, and Gold had one last chance.
However, a series of incomplete passes seemed to end their chance to fight off Blue’s comeback. Though, Gold got smart: punt here, they realized, and they could stop Blue and still have another chance. While this was sound strategy in theory, it required the Gold defense to do something they hadn’t been able to do all second half: stop the Blue passing attack. This proved true yet again, as Swagel found Jeremy Schooler on a quick slant into the short corner of the end zone, and this 31-21 lead was the dagger in Gold’s heart.
While all thought this would mercifully end the game, Blue had other ideas. This time, they announced their onside kick and still recovered it, to the surprise and dismay of many. The Gold players could be seen complaining to the refs about Blue rubbing it in, while some on the Gold team tried to cope by telling the Blue players that they had no life if they derived joy from running up the score in a Thanksgiving football game, though all in attendance knew that these Gold players would have done the same had they had the opportunity.
This strange extra drive of the Blue team ended with a long field goal by Jon Sandler as time expired, giving the final score of 34-21. When reminded of the famous polemic against greed from Pirkei Avot 4:1, “who is rich? He who is happy with what he has,” Sandler quipped, “well, those Rabbis clearly hadn’t discovered bragging rights yet.”
Despite all the chippiness that took place during the latter stages of the second half, all present were able to admit that this game was one to be remembered, as the comeback could serve as a potential metaphor for the hopeful comeback of Dan Fulop, who left at halftime wearing the same sweatpants he had been wearing since the first year of this wonderful game.
