PV XVII (Gold 33 - Blue 20)
The Seventeenth Paul Blank Invitational; our treasured game is spending more and more time exploring colleges and not caring about mandatory minyan. This year was a battle of tanachian magnitude between gold and blue; a team with scraggly beards and unfinished educations pitted against the aging 401K-laden JDS-wunderkinds of yore. A fight that Rabban Bienenstock and Rabban Slater would stay up late into the thanksgiving evening discussing until their students came to alert them it was time for morning shema.
Both teams came in with masterfully designed game plans. JJ Sachs and Aaron Schooler (Both ’06), the gold offensive and defensive captains, respectively executed a high-paced offense and zone defense designed to capitalize on the speed and marginal size of the gold’s youthful team. The blue team, attempting to replicate the 1995 undefeated JDS squad modeled after the Riggins Redskins aimed to execute a game plan of power running behind an oversized offensive line. This size advantage had Vegas odds makers favoring the blue team heavily, and many biblical references to laying with the respective team captains and their significant others were made in in the days before the fateful game.
Even the buildup was predictive of the voracity with which the teams would approach the game. Noted irrelevant figurehead and Massai lion-killer (before it was cool) Paul Blank added a little bit of Zatar to the pregame hummus by bringing his parents. These honored guests, who claimed no-contest to accusations of fostering Mr. Blank’s “hair cut”, were able to observe an artfully sung national anthem and witnessed the homage payed by the board of trustees to Paul Blank and his invitational. With the conclusion of the pregame festivities, and the presence of the youngest (yet likely least disappointing) generation of Fulops at the coin toss, the game got underway.
Both teams came in with masterfully designed game plans. JJ Sachs and Aaron Schooler (Both ’06), the gold offensive and defensive captains, respectively executed a high-paced offense and zone defense designed to capitalize on the speed and marginal size of the gold’s youthful team. The blue team, attempting to replicate the 1995 undefeated JDS squad modeled after the Riggins Redskins aimed to execute a game plan of power running behind an oversized offensive line. This size advantage had Vegas odds makers favoring the blue team heavily, and many biblical references to laying with the respective team captains and their significant others were made in in the days before the fateful game.
Even the buildup was predictive of the voracity with which the teams would approach the game. Noted irrelevant figurehead and Massai lion-killer (before it was cool) Paul Blank added a little bit of Zatar to the pregame hummus by bringing his parents. These honored guests, who claimed no-contest to accusations of fostering Mr. Blank’s “hair cut”, were able to observe an artfully sung national anthem and witnessed the homage payed by the board of trustees to Paul Blank and his invitational. With the conclusion of the pregame festivities, and the presence of the youngest (yet likely least disappointing) generation of Fulops at the coin toss, the game got underway.
Gold received the ball first, with fantastic field position after a 40-yard kickoff return by Ben Charlton (’06). After a couple of incomplete passes by veteran quarterback David May (’07), including a dropped touchdown by Ben Charleton, May spied a streaking Mike Freishtat (‘06) who had beaten his man Natty Davis (‘99) worse than the Israelites beat the Amalekites back in Samuel. In a moment that would prove predictive of the course of the game, May threaded a perfect spiral to the pantyhose (Under Armour) clad Freishtat for a 60-yard touchdown.
Blue responded with a methodical drive behind the hard-nosed running of Elliot Totah (‘98) and Shai Fierst (‘00). However, on fourth and goal quarterback Noah Zimmerman (‘99) tried to hit David Ochs (‘02) on a post pattern, only to have it broken up by the defensive-minded Aaron Schooler. Gold took the ball and marched downfield on the back of short runs by Michael Feldman (‘06). The drive came to naught however on a poor snap on an attempted field goal. Blue again responded with efficient hard nose running, to the point that gold gave up on grabbing flags and resorted to tackling Shai Fierst on his runs up the middle. The drive was capped off on a short run by Zimmerman (2 pt. conversion Zimmerman to Ochs).
Re-emphasizing Sachs’ Chip Kelly inspired no-huddle offense with plays named after Entenmann’s kosher cookies, May began the drive utilizing short passes to open up the defense, only on third down to hit a wide-open Dore Feith (‘14) for a fifty-yard touchdown. Natty Davis again was left wishing he had invested in ankle insurance, as he was beaten badly on the play.
Starting to feel the momentum of the game shifting, two efficient Blue drives that were thwarted by the zone coverage, and Gold, after responding with a field goal, found itself with the ball and time expiring. May took the snap with seconds left and hit the nimble-footed Charlton across the middle in what should have been the last play of the half. Charlton managed to do his best Lepper impersonation, and used some quick footwork to get out of bounds untouched with a second left and in May’s field goal range. David “Fifth String Kicker” May converted the field goal and gold went into the locker room up.
Starting to feel the momentum of the game shifting, two efficient Blue drives that were thwarted by the zone coverage, and Gold, after responding with a field goal, found itself with the ball and time expiring. May took the snap with seconds left and hit the nimble-footed Charlton across the middle in what should have been the last play of the half. Charlton managed to do his best Lepper impersonation, and used some quick footwork to get out of bounds untouched with a second left and in May’s field goal range. David “Fifth String Kicker” May converted the field goal and gold went into the locker room up.
After an eventful halftime show, consisting of a tribute rap to Paul Blank and his desire to share the uncircumcised wonders of the world with his young and eager to learn pupils, Blue hoped to jumpstart their offense with Stephen Krupin replacing Zimmerman under center. Krupin, however, in rapid-fire succession killed the Blue offense with two consecutive interceptions, the first by the legging-clad Freishtat, and then on an acrobatic play by Feldman who had had a wide-open path to the opposite end zone but was caught from behind by the fleet-footed Ben Hamburger. Gold’s quarterback change was no better, as the less-athletic than he once was Ariel Oxman intercepted Charlton. Gold was impotent in their efforts to take advantage of the strong defensive effort, as their next drive fell short on third down after an impressive sack by Dan Fulop and a missed May field goal. However, Blue’s bumbling offense would turn out to be a boon for Gold, as the fatigued Zimmerman threw an uncharacteristically horrific pass intercepted and returned for a touchdown by the lone May-family representative. Much like this paragraph, May’s interception injected a bit of life into what had been an increasingly listless game.
With Gold now leading 26 to 14 and time starting to slip away, Blue attempted a fast-paced no huddle defense that was poorly suited to their personnel, and their response was thwarted by Jonathan “Yoni” Farber (‘06) sack on third down. Yoni was quick to respond, pulling in a deep pass for May’s third touchdown of the day. Asked about the play after the game, Yoni would admit that he stopped running halfway down the sidelines, partially because he couldn’t believe he was so open, but he wandered off before interviewers could ascertain the second reason. This play may lead to reevaluation of banned substances at the PJB invitational; adderall has traditionally been on the list of banned substances, but this policy will be re-examined after the events of this game owing to the increasing prevalence of alumni who have a history of structured study hall and its ubiquity within the CES-JDS student population.
Blue tried to stick a figurative pin in the floodgates brought fourth by the Gold teams striking the stone of PJB as Moses did in the early years of Paul Blank’s boyhood with a quick touchdown to Oxman, but Gold would rely on the somewhat swift and time consuming running of May and Feldman to eat away the remaining seconds, and the antiquated and obviously fatigued blue was left with insufficient time to mount any form of a comeback. Of note, Ilan Fulop did slap someone in the face, although even this could not stop the Blue team and its contingent of Hebrew Home residents from fading meekly into the history books of the Paul Blank invitational. Gold emerged victorious 33-20 in a game that future generations will celebrate as a changing of the guard; The young generation of Jewish short American DC-area athletes announced, in one voice that they were a force to be reckoned with in future Paul Blank invitational.
MVP: Dore Feith (’14) – 2 receptions for 60 yards and 1 touchdown, 2 passes defensed and 2 tackles.
Referees
- Crew Chief: Gabe Roark (’15)
- Field Judge: Ben Lieberman (‘15)
- Head Linesman: Bryan Shorr (‘16)
- Game Day Operations Coordinator: Jeremy Schooler (‘16)
- Celebrity Ref: Mark Shervey
National Anthem: Dr. Giorgio Kulp, First Tenor in JewKvox, Washington DC acappella quintet.
Coin Toss: Herbert Blank, father of Paul J. Blank, and Joshua David Matula and Jaxson Travis Matula.
Pre-Game Performance: Dramatic reading by Felice Blank of George Washington’s letter to the Newport Synagogue in Rhode Island.
Event Entertainment: DJ Ilan Arnowitz (‘17)
Photographer: Ron Sachs, photojournalist and President of Consolidated News Photos (CNP).
Referees
- Crew Chief: Gabe Roark (’15)
- Field Judge: Ben Lieberman (‘15)
- Head Linesman: Bryan Shorr (‘16)
- Game Day Operations Coordinator: Jeremy Schooler (‘16)
- Celebrity Ref: Mark Shervey
National Anthem: Dr. Giorgio Kulp, First Tenor in JewKvox, Washington DC acappella quintet.
Coin Toss: Herbert Blank, father of Paul J. Blank, and Joshua David Matula and Jaxson Travis Matula.
Pre-Game Performance: Dramatic reading by Felice Blank of George Washington’s letter to the Newport Synagogue in Rhode Island.
Event Entertainment: DJ Ilan Arnowitz (‘17)
Photographer: Ron Sachs, photojournalist and President of Consolidated News Photos (CNP).
